Today, our son is a 20-year-old sophomore at a liberal arts college. Merit scholarship. Straight A’s. Speaks Japanese. Self-published two novels. In a loving relationship with a girlfriend, has a great friend group. He's physically and mentally healthy, self-reliant. He's thriving.
Thanks for writing this, Florabelle, and I'm so happy to hear your son escaped the rabbit hole. I have a terribly impertinent question. I read this: "Except... when he comes home. Where he is so profoundly triggered by being back in his neighborhood, his house, his bedroom, that he can't sleep. Why is this? Because, sadly, he’s haunted by memories of one three-year period of his adolescence, filled with depression, anxiety and self-harm. The three years where he identified as a girl." and the first thing I think is "Why don't you move house?" Maybe it would help your son feel comfortable to come home if it were not the same home.
I think it could help your son recover from his PTSD by sharing his story through creative writing and a story that can help reach out to other teens going through the same thing. Wishing you all the best of luck. I hope we see a cultural shift soon ❤️
"Today, our son blames us for not pushing back at this absurd diagnosis." I had to laugh bitterly at this. We pushed back on our daughter who came out as a trans-man a year ago and it has been a nightmare. We have since been disowned for not being sufficiently supportive. But we were worried about this very situation - the consequences of "affirming" something we knew couldn't possibly be true, and later having the child blame us for our "support". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
What an account of hope! I am a mother of an 18 yr old son who came out as gay. Many of his peers are also dealing with body dis-morphia and questioning their sex. As a parent I am aware of the pressure-cooker this conversation is, from peers, teachers and school officials. I commend your united front in feeling your way through this path with your son, always keeping touch with the thread of intuition guiding you in your support of his journey. It's a light to all parents going through this!
Thanks for writing this. You give me hope. Our daughter, 16, just turned our lives upside down a month ago by coming out as trans. We felt completely blindsided. She is no doubt a girl, never acted masculine but since the age of 12 she has trouble navigating puberty. The stuff she said makes me think that someone has been coaching her. She is very confident about needing hormones to get better and definitely wants to remove her breasts. 2 weeks ago her pediatrician spoke with her for 15 minutes and gave us a referral to a gender clinic!!! Instead of a psychologist who would try to find the source of her distress. The pediatrician was very encouraging and asking our daughter if she preferred to be called by her chosen name and pronouns. She acted as if I wasn't there or didn't matter. Frankly, I wake up everyday feeling I am stuck in a nightmare.
Congratulations on successfully helping your son to navigate the "Trans" "rapids". You seem to have done an excellent job, and I am sure you feel very, very relieved. I particularly liked the bit about "subterfuge". Only the minimum amount, of course. I am so pleased for you.
Look. They train therapists how to classify what they encounter. But they can't train them how to be smart, perceptive, intuitive, sympathetic, empathetic or wise. They can't train them to be knowledgeable about people, they can only give them some opportunities to, if they are able. Most aren't, particularly, because people who go for therapy are like anyone else. And most people aren't particularly smart, perceptive, intuitive, sympathetic, empathetic or wise.
They do learn arrogance though. They learn to presume they are smarter, more perceptive, more intuitive, more sympathetic, empathetic and wise than their clients.
YOU know your child better than any therapist. Never forget that.
The most vulnerable are the homeless children ages 13 and up in State of Washington and California who have no one to fight for them. They will be trans’ed and thrown back on the streets for prostitution. They will be the new “ discarded”. The throwaways. Nobody gives a damn about them. The experimental rats. Pumped up with hormones and given free surgeries to mutilate their bodies at teaching hospitals. If this sounds harsh, it’s not as harsh as the reality of their lives. They will be the living dead. Walking around Portland with their sewn on penises gangrenous,rotting and falling off. The amorphous genitalia of biological girls will have sealed up and become non functioning as either a sexual organ or a urethra. Years of urine has backed up into the ureters causing massive infections and renal failure. The 30 something’s are dying on the streets from iatrogenic medical malpractice. Doctors steps over their bodies on their way home from work.
What a remarkable story! Thank you for sharing it. I have a question about internet use by underage children in the home. Please help me understand why parents continue to allow their children to have access to harmful social media, like Reddit, Tumblr, etc. I don't understand the apparent hesitation parents have to say "No" to providing internet access to their children who are being victimized by online predatory messaging. Please don't hear this as a judgment. I'm just trying to understand the dynamics of parenting in this age. I know that the threat of suicide has been dangled over parents like a Damocles sword. I hope that the stories here will help parents find the courage to say "No", when appropriate, both to their kids and to the cultural bullies who try to intimidate them out of their role as protectors of their children.
Thank you for writing this. Is incredible that you even had to… I am amazed by what has been snuck in under the radar as the new norm.
There is another subject like this within your story; antidepressants. I'm not commenting on the fact that your son is on them, but just cautioning that he may (and hopefully won't) experience an unpleasant withdrawal syndrome if he withdraws too quickly. Most doctors are not trained to take people off them safely, and the drug companies do not make tapering doses. In the akathisia clinic I used to work in we would taper clients by approx 5% each time (weekly or fortnightly), until they stabilised, and then reduce by another 5%, using compounded medication, until the patient was drug free.
I am saying this because I would hate for him to have withdrawal problems and for a doctor to tell you, 'his 'mental illness' is coming back, he needs to stay on these for life', when he was in fact having a withdrawal reaction. Thankfully this problem is now widely written about and several sites have good info.
It's wonderful to read about how you avoided tragedy; thanks for writing this.
You did a remarkable job in such fraught circumstances. I wonder if there’s any chance you could go back to the medical professionals and the school staff who pushed or enabled your son’s trans id and let them know that he now rejects it? I understand it may be traumatic but these saviour-complex professionals need to see that trans-identifying youth are not a sacred caste but in most cases victims of social contagion.
Thanks for writing this, Florabelle, and I'm so happy to hear your son escaped the rabbit hole. I have a terribly impertinent question. I read this: "Except... when he comes home. Where he is so profoundly triggered by being back in his neighborhood, his house, his bedroom, that he can't sleep. Why is this? Because, sadly, he’s haunted by memories of one three-year period of his adolescence, filled with depression, anxiety and self-harm. The three years where he identified as a girl." and the first thing I think is "Why don't you move house?" Maybe it would help your son feel comfortable to come home if it were not the same home.
Thank you. I shared this with my husband. Other than the cutting, this is our son to a T. You give me hope for a good outcome. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope. I wish the best to you and your son.
I think it could help your son recover from his PTSD by sharing his story through creative writing and a story that can help reach out to other teens going through the same thing. Wishing you all the best of luck. I hope we see a cultural shift soon ❤️
"Today, our son blames us for not pushing back at this absurd diagnosis." I had to laugh bitterly at this. We pushed back on our daughter who came out as a trans-man a year ago and it has been a nightmare. We have since been disowned for not being sufficiently supportive. But we were worried about this very situation - the consequences of "affirming" something we knew couldn't possibly be true, and later having the child blame us for our "support". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
What an account of hope! I am a mother of an 18 yr old son who came out as gay. Many of his peers are also dealing with body dis-morphia and questioning their sex. As a parent I am aware of the pressure-cooker this conversation is, from peers, teachers and school officials. I commend your united front in feeling your way through this path with your son, always keeping touch with the thread of intuition guiding you in your support of his journey. It's a light to all parents going through this!
Thanks for writing this. You give me hope. Our daughter, 16, just turned our lives upside down a month ago by coming out as trans. We felt completely blindsided. She is no doubt a girl, never acted masculine but since the age of 12 she has trouble navigating puberty. The stuff she said makes me think that someone has been coaching her. She is very confident about needing hormones to get better and definitely wants to remove her breasts. 2 weeks ago her pediatrician spoke with her for 15 minutes and gave us a referral to a gender clinic!!! Instead of a psychologist who would try to find the source of her distress. The pediatrician was very encouraging and asking our daughter if she preferred to be called by her chosen name and pronouns. She acted as if I wasn't there or didn't matter. Frankly, I wake up everyday feeling I am stuck in a nightmare.
Congratulations on successfully helping your son to navigate the "Trans" "rapids". You seem to have done an excellent job, and I am sure you feel very, very relieved. I particularly liked the bit about "subterfuge". Only the minimum amount, of course. I am so pleased for you.
May I ask which country you live in?
Therapists.
Look. They train therapists how to classify what they encounter. But they can't train them how to be smart, perceptive, intuitive, sympathetic, empathetic or wise. They can't train them to be knowledgeable about people, they can only give them some opportunities to, if they are able. Most aren't, particularly, because people who go for therapy are like anyone else. And most people aren't particularly smart, perceptive, intuitive, sympathetic, empathetic or wise.
They do learn arrogance though. They learn to presume they are smarter, more perceptive, more intuitive, more sympathetic, empathetic and wise than their clients.
YOU know your child better than any therapist. Never forget that.
Wow. It sounds like his therapist just wanted him to be "trans." So sad. Good luck to you and your family. 🙏🏻
The most vulnerable are the homeless children ages 13 and up in State of Washington and California who have no one to fight for them. They will be trans’ed and thrown back on the streets for prostitution. They will be the new “ discarded”. The throwaways. Nobody gives a damn about them. The experimental rats. Pumped up with hormones and given free surgeries to mutilate their bodies at teaching hospitals. If this sounds harsh, it’s not as harsh as the reality of their lives. They will be the living dead. Walking around Portland with their sewn on penises gangrenous,rotting and falling off. The amorphous genitalia of biological girls will have sealed up and become non functioning as either a sexual organ or a urethra. Years of urine has backed up into the ureters causing massive infections and renal failure. The 30 something’s are dying on the streets from iatrogenic medical malpractice. Doctors steps over their bodies on their way home from work.
What a remarkable story! Thank you for sharing it. I have a question about internet use by underage children in the home. Please help me understand why parents continue to allow their children to have access to harmful social media, like Reddit, Tumblr, etc. I don't understand the apparent hesitation parents have to say "No" to providing internet access to their children who are being victimized by online predatory messaging. Please don't hear this as a judgment. I'm just trying to understand the dynamics of parenting in this age. I know that the threat of suicide has been dangled over parents like a Damocles sword. I hope that the stories here will help parents find the courage to say "No", when appropriate, both to their kids and to the cultural bullies who try to intimidate them out of their role as protectors of their children.
Thank you for writing this. Is incredible that you even had to… I am amazed by what has been snuck in under the radar as the new norm.
There is another subject like this within your story; antidepressants. I'm not commenting on the fact that your son is on them, but just cautioning that he may (and hopefully won't) experience an unpleasant withdrawal syndrome if he withdraws too quickly. Most doctors are not trained to take people off them safely, and the drug companies do not make tapering doses. In the akathisia clinic I used to work in we would taper clients by approx 5% each time (weekly or fortnightly), until they stabilised, and then reduce by another 5%, using compounded medication, until the patient was drug free.
I am saying this because I would hate for him to have withdrawal problems and for a doctor to tell you, 'his 'mental illness' is coming back, he needs to stay on these for life', when he was in fact having a withdrawal reaction. Thankfully this problem is now widely written about and several sites have good info.
It's wonderful to read about how you avoided tragedy; thanks for writing this.
You did a remarkable job in such fraught circumstances. I wonder if there’s any chance you could go back to the medical professionals and the school staff who pushed or enabled your son’s trans id and let them know that he now rejects it? I understand it may be traumatic but these saviour-complex professionals need to see that trans-identifying youth are not a sacred caste but in most cases victims of social contagion.