My heartfelt apologies to you, my youngest daughter. I am sorry I wasn’t the woman with whom you could wholeheartedly identify. And I am sorry that I wasn’t a strong enough female figure in your life, strong enough to help you overcome the negativities you were being bombarded with. I was supposed to be the woman you looked up to and admired even if you didn’t want to admit it.
I’m sorry that femininity is something you are uncomfortable with. It’s my fault, as I should have been able to help you see that most girls have similar feelings at some point in their lives. I know I did. I’m sorry that none of my words of wisdom reached your heart and that they didn’t aid you in your time of great need. I’m sorry that you suffered in silence, that you suffered at all. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you realize that.
I apologize for not bringing you up to fully believe in God the way I do. I’m sorry and I pray that he shows you the truth now. Is it too late to hope? I hope not. I’m sorry that I allowed you to be indoctrinated by school and the internet. I’m sorry that I allowed them to have the most influence in your life. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from the world. It was my job and I failed.
I’m sorry that you hadn’t experienced a first kiss or first love before you made medical changes to your body. I’m sorry that you and I won’t get to pick out a wedding dress together and do other mother/daughter things. I’m sorry that you won’t experience your father walking you down the aisle. I’m sorry for him too.
I’m sorry that you won’t have any biological children. I’m sorry that in your life you won’t feel the surprise of a pregnancy test, and the thrill of your baby’s first kicks. I’m sorry you won’t experience what mothers describe as the best moments in their lives—the way you feel right after giving birth. It’s unlike any other feeling in the whole world. At that moment of the first cry, the whole room is silent, time pauses and your heart is the fullest it will ever be. At that time you realize that your love for this child surpasses any other you’ll ever experience, and you are filled with a joy which is unmatched. Will you experience toward a tiny new human, as I did, the unparalleled awareness that your sole purpose, from that day forward, is to love and nurture this new person and to make sure they are taken care of and healthy? Nothing compares. I’m sorry I won’t share your joy or have one of your children to dote over and love.
I completely failed you as a parent and mother. I can only grieve, pray, and apologize, there is nothing left for me to do.
I’m the sorriest I have ever been or will be. Can you ever forgive me?
Mommy
your child will never forgive you for being so disrespectful. i hope you all stop whining and regurgitating transphobic rhetoric that you hear about on fox news and go fight for actual issues in this world.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry too. I’m so sorry for you and myself and for all of the families and children dealing with this. It’s so hard not to blame ourselves but it’s not all down to you or me or us. It’s been the perfect storm. Society adopting theses ideas and encouraging them- social justice and being a “good person” and “ kind” which has somehow translated into lying to people in order to spare their feelings and encourage a delusion. I am so tired of it. In the case of my family an older sister with serous mental health issues who was idolized by her younger sister. Then of course covid when we all lost so much connection. My daughter lost her sports, friends, school play, and her sister was far away in a hospital. Are there things we could have done differently? Yes! Now all we can do is move forward and try to be there for them even when we feel defeated and lost and even when they reject us. We don’t have to ho along with it - we can tell them the truth and when the look at us they can’t help but remember who they really are. Hang in there- sending love and hugs from another heartbroken mom... 💔