63 Comments

I can so relate to your post except I was widowed almost 6 years ago. However, my new husband is also optimist that my son will return. I struggle with trusting God still because I too had a hard childhood. I try to lean on my husband’s faith. My son is 26 and this started when he was 25. He first cut financial ties. He had lived in another state already but made another life change and move before announcing his transgenderism to me.

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Thank you for reminding me what I rock I have in my husband, too. I pray for you, your husband, and your son. We're all doing this, one day at a time.

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Had tears in my eyes reading your story. Such immense pain has come upon us parents of trans-identified children but, speaking for myself but I feel also for many others, there has also been huge personal

growth. A year into this, having been through the emotional wringer and spent hundreds of hours reading and listening, trying to understand what has happened to my dear child I feel I have gained a much better understanding of the human condition and have much greater empathy, and, I think, wisdom.

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I admire you for your persistence and determination, and hope you are reunited with your son happily some day. But please don't say that you "have a PhD" in gender" just because you've spent lots of effort and time educating yourself about it. That's dismissive of the that scientific, time- and soul-consuming effort.

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Like all these stories I burst into tears when I read it. It touches a nerve. It’s so sad that there doesn’t seem to be a right approach or outcome. So although your husband listened, I presume he adopted the new name & identity...are you saying that wasn’t good enough for him? He still ended up leaving?

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I am so happy to hear about this new place to which you have come, and about your loving marriage! That is so lovely. The only constant is change, and life is long. I'm looking forward to hearing future chapters of this story.

It seems like the best thing you can do for your son is take care of yourself (and your husband) so that if your son does need you in the future (he likely will!), you will be healthy enough to help him.

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What a sweet and tender story - thank you for sharing. I am glad you have a “rock” as not everyone does. You have a lot of wisdom and appreciating what is around you and tapping into the love and strength is what will help you stay strong. Your son must find his own way and the memories, manners, lessons you taught him will surface when he needs them. My daughter got lost in drugs and alcohol and there were many years I thought I would lose her. She is now 4 years clean and sober and I am amazed at how appreciative she is of her childhood and the fond memories she shares with me. She is now a mother and she is instilling the same morals, manners, ethics that I taught to her. I hope that this gender influence is just a fad and that your son will thrive and find happiness. Your marriage has been tested and now it is just the two of you and I feel positive that the best years are just ahead! How wonderful that your husband never wavered and I think it was good for you to learn your PhD in this gender-cult as you will be able to help others understand and cope. Best wishes to all of you!

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It is so encouraging to have the detrans stories available. There is a verse from the Hebrew songbook which captures this hope perfectly for me

Psalm 27:13-14

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the Lord

In the land of the living.

14 Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Our DT folks have no idea the strength and hope we derive from seeing them walking in health and wholeness. All Things Are Possible!

Another piece of wisdom that comes from the Hebrew wisdom literature explains the beauty of the dance you and your husband are experiencing.

Ecclesiastical 4:9-12

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

10 If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

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Thank you. My husband (not my sons father) is like yours. He’s my rock. He believes my son will be okay. I worry and make myself sick. It’s hard when you see how many kids are being harmed....I know several in my small circle who’ve already gone through with surgeries...all under 18....infertility and life long medical harm from this madness seems a high price to pay for teen rebellion.

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Dec 8, 2022·edited Dec 8, 2022

This is beautiful. Awful that you had to write this, go through this, and have the fact of your son leaving home feel like a release from your pain. My husband is the same as yours, and he keeps saying that things will be better once our daughter leaves us next year; the pain will not be so in my face all the time.

I almost think in order for a marriage to survive something like the gender cult, one spouse has to stay out of the rabbithole, because if both fall down it, there's no coming out. Somebody has to have their feet on the ground, to be able to lean down into the hole with their hand and pull the other one back to life.

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Love this so much. I am so glad you have this wonderful man. But remember, you are a rock too!!

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Thank you for posting. It helps. Same story for me only without the supportive husband. Dealing with this alone.

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I had a difficult childhood too, with a lot of adversity to overcome. There is always a little voice inside me that says, "Of course you weren't able to raise a strong, healthy child. What were you expecting?" I fear that there was some defect inside me that got passed on. Maybe it's true, some genes that made my son vulnerable to mental illness. When you only have one child, it's easier to believe this trouble was inevitable because of who one is or because of one's parenting. Fortunately for those of us who are given to guilt and rumination, there are many parents out there with other, healthy kids to show us that it wasn't inevitable.

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Wow! I found your post so encouraging! Thank you. I needed to hear a lot of your words. Your attitude is refreshing and I pray others may feel your strength, too.

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Dec 8, 2022·edited Dec 8, 2022

Your story is eerily like mine. Mom of an only child who, although very bright, was developmentally stuck while living at home. A sweet boy who became depressed, angry, and manipulative in adolescence. Our sadness and fear for him mixed with relief at being free from his abuse after he left home and cut us off. My husband is also less consumed by this than I am, but once in while the sadness descends on him like a rock and he can't hold back tears. Other people assure us that our son will eventually find his way, and we try to believe that for the sake of our sanity, but this is uncharted territory. A few years ago everyone assured us that he would outgrow what looked like extended teenaged rebellion, and that never happened. Our kids are brainwashed and offering themselves up to butchers who promise them paradise. It's terrifying not knowing if they'll snap out of it before it's too late.

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someone in the system, probably at school , groomed and molested your son. that is why he "suddenly" changed . do not forget , that this was caused by someone . it almost always is when there in not a long history of issues

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