My story is depressingly similar to so many others.. Two and a half years ago, just after the first lockdown in New Zealand was lifted, my much loved teen told me that he was transgender. I was blindsided. My son, whom I had raised single handedly from the age of four when his father died, had shown no prior sign of any interest in anything feminine. He is on the spectrum, (with what used to be called Asperger’s), and was always a little awkward, socially inept and solitary—but also extremely clever. And of course, he was on his computer much of the time, more so during the enforced lockdown. He was also like many kids who were indoctrinated into thinking that a gender change was the panacea for all the difficulties and angst of puberty. Like many others, he was probably finding information and support on sites such as Discord and TikTok. He told me that he had met some trans people online on a gaming site and ‘suddenly things made sense’.
One day I really hope he realises that you are the one person in his life who truly loves him. Don’t give up hope. Also travelling this road in NZ with my 17 (almost 18) year old ROGD daughter (FTM) though she hasn’t left home yet - off to Uni next year. Do you know if there is a parents support group here in NZ?
I wept hard when I read your story. Like you, my children's father committed suicide. I intimately understand what a wonderful, dedicated, mother you so obviously are, and how soft, and kind, and sweet, and sensitive and intelligent and wonderful your son is. I grieve for your son, and for you, that this terrible thing has happened to him and to you. This was NOT your fault. You did everything you could. Know that other people care about your story and about your son, and are arguing with their friends and family, and even if they're not saying it publicly, more and more people are starting to question this ideology. I pray for you that he will return to you, with all my heart.
It is brainwashing. It is mass hysteria. It is seeded by "gender identity" which is a poison. My heart weeps for you and I hope that your son does come back to you. Soon.
Your loss is so sad and I pray your son finds his way back to you. Stay strong! We are all in this horrible gender-ideology war together and we will continue to fight side-by-side until we win!! God is listening to our prayers and He will guide us to victory. We have a whole generation of young people to save! We cannot give up hope.
This is not the first and I suspect not the last time I will read this kind of story but nevertheless it utterly breaks my heart for you. I do not have children of my own, but I am stepdad to a lovely eight year old boy, and I am terrified about the future for him with all this nonsense being spread around. It is utter madness, and so hard to even talk to anyone about unless you know already that they're gender critical. Friends of mine around my age (40s) who I used to think rational, intelligent people have been completely captured by it, it's like trying to talk to religious fanatics. I sincerely hope that your son will one day see reason and come back to you.
I felt so sad to read this - echoing again so much of our own story with our natal daughter. He (and i have given him the respect of addressing him by the gender he believes he is even though I do not believe it myself) also cut us off - along with his 2 older half siblings who financially supported him via the private medical route one of whom is a doctor! He is back in our life now but tells us nothing personal at all and tells us it’s too ‘risky’ . There is zero trust. Our relationship is just eggshells - shattered. I don’t know why he still gets in touch tbh but I suspect it’s money at this stage as he’s still at Uni. I no longer know my own child who only 18 months ago I thought I knew so well. We were close.
My belief now is that we actually need as many children/ young adults as possible to jump on this evil bandwagon - the more that jump on the more incredulous it will be and the whole world will realise this is a COMPLETE FARCE. We need it to touch everyone’s lives until there is the realisation that this is an utter nonsense. In the meantime it is our kids whose lives will be ruined by medical intervention and mutilating surgery. I grieve for you, me , all parents in the same powerless, unfathomable situation .
I'm so very sorry. I hope you hear from your son soon. I too have I trans-identifying son, he is about to turn 18. Thank you for sharing your story. Big hugs to you.
This is heartbreaking! The trans issue is bad enough, but these kids have been indoctrinated to cut off family. And erase their past with us. Prayers and hugs.
I am so sorry. This my story too, with a daughter in QLD, who spent time on Discord and Tik Tok to the same end. I do still see her (I will not say him), though rarely, and increasingly less often. She is reading biological science and still believes this is not harmful and can be reversed and 'does not want children anyway' (so is aware of fertility issues, but flippant) . She is ADHD and never had a partner. I suspect most contact is because I still pay her rent (until she turns 22 and will be considered independent by centrelink). I was a sole parent too. Her father is still alive, with another wife and family, but in no way interested in talking to her about it. No longer even returns texts. I was not able to talk to any counsellor or doctor, as I was only told by her after he had changed her sex and name on her re-issued (Victorian) birth certificate. Family are treated as the enemy and enabling parents of friends of hers had been 'in the know' for years, but actively discouraged her to tell me until too late (including the private school she went to). She was told she would lose her family. I would love to develop a friendship group of parents suffering this loss. I know it seems impossible, but try not to blame yourself. Wishing you and your son well.
Thank you for sharing your story. So true, that all of our stories are depressingly familiar and knowing that helps assuage some of our pain as parents yet that pain and sadness is still so raw and intense when we see firsthand the harm wrought on our own dear and unique child.
If you've not done so already, I wonder if it might be useful to check out resources for family members who've had a loved one enter a cult? While it's a different situation, some of the advice might still apply? I'm no expert but get the sense the most important bit of advice is to stay available, make sure the person knows your door is open, and remember many people do leave cults. I get the impression this tends to happen either when the group becomes so dysfunctional it implodes (or is dismantled by authorities) or when the individual cult member hits a personal "brick wall" and realises they simply can't or won't continue in the group. A lot of them do have this realisation, but it can only happen in their own time.
My heart breaks for you. I can’t understand it, and I just hope the tide is turning. We did not affirm, but we told her how much we love her and that this will always be her home. We miss her so much. Today is a rough day.
Thank yo in for sharing your heartbreaking story. It sounds very familiar. My daughter is about to leave for university in Sept and I hadn’t imagined her effectively ghosting me so your story has made me think about this before it might happen. Is there anything that you would do differently that you think might have helped at the time? Many of us will be sending our kids off very soon so any thoughts would be gratefully received x
One day I really hope he realises that you are the one person in his life who truly loves him. Don’t give up hope. Also travelling this road in NZ with my 17 (almost 18) year old ROGD daughter (FTM) though she hasn’t left home yet - off to Uni next year. Do you know if there is a parents support group here in NZ?
I hope your son comes back to you too. This is so sad, I feel your pain.
I wept hard when I read your story. Like you, my children's father committed suicide. I intimately understand what a wonderful, dedicated, mother you so obviously are, and how soft, and kind, and sweet, and sensitive and intelligent and wonderful your son is. I grieve for your son, and for you, that this terrible thing has happened to him and to you. This was NOT your fault. You did everything you could. Know that other people care about your story and about your son, and are arguing with their friends and family, and even if they're not saying it publicly, more and more people are starting to question this ideology. I pray for you that he will return to you, with all my heart.
It is brainwashing. It is mass hysteria. It is seeded by "gender identity" which is a poison. My heart weeps for you and I hope that your son does come back to you. Soon.
Your loss is so sad and I pray your son finds his way back to you. Stay strong! We are all in this horrible gender-ideology war together and we will continue to fight side-by-side until we win!! God is listening to our prayers and He will guide us to victory. We have a whole generation of young people to save! We cannot give up hope.
Thank you for sharing your story.
We’re a New Zealand based advocacy group for parents.
Could you please contact us (in confidence)
Bob@familyfirst.org.nz
This is not the first and I suspect not the last time I will read this kind of story but nevertheless it utterly breaks my heart for you. I do not have children of my own, but I am stepdad to a lovely eight year old boy, and I am terrified about the future for him with all this nonsense being spread around. It is utter madness, and so hard to even talk to anyone about unless you know already that they're gender critical. Friends of mine around my age (40s) who I used to think rational, intelligent people have been completely captured by it, it's like trying to talk to religious fanatics. I sincerely hope that your son will one day see reason and come back to you.
I felt so sad to read this - echoing again so much of our own story with our natal daughter. He (and i have given him the respect of addressing him by the gender he believes he is even though I do not believe it myself) also cut us off - along with his 2 older half siblings who financially supported him via the private medical route one of whom is a doctor! He is back in our life now but tells us nothing personal at all and tells us it’s too ‘risky’ . There is zero trust. Our relationship is just eggshells - shattered. I don’t know why he still gets in touch tbh but I suspect it’s money at this stage as he’s still at Uni. I no longer know my own child who only 18 months ago I thought I knew so well. We were close.
My belief now is that we actually need as many children/ young adults as possible to jump on this evil bandwagon - the more that jump on the more incredulous it will be and the whole world will realise this is a COMPLETE FARCE. We need it to touch everyone’s lives until there is the realisation that this is an utter nonsense. In the meantime it is our kids whose lives will be ruined by medical intervention and mutilating surgery. I grieve for you, me , all parents in the same powerless, unfathomable situation .
I'm so very sorry. I hope you hear from your son soon. I too have I trans-identifying son, he is about to turn 18. Thank you for sharing your story. Big hugs to you.
This is heartbreaking! The trans issue is bad enough, but these kids have been indoctrinated to cut off family. And erase their past with us. Prayers and hugs.
I am so sorry. This my story too, with a daughter in QLD, who spent time on Discord and Tik Tok to the same end. I do still see her (I will not say him), though rarely, and increasingly less often. She is reading biological science and still believes this is not harmful and can be reversed and 'does not want children anyway' (so is aware of fertility issues, but flippant) . She is ADHD and never had a partner. I suspect most contact is because I still pay her rent (until she turns 22 and will be considered independent by centrelink). I was a sole parent too. Her father is still alive, with another wife and family, but in no way interested in talking to her about it. No longer even returns texts. I was not able to talk to any counsellor or doctor, as I was only told by her after he had changed her sex and name on her re-issued (Victorian) birth certificate. Family are treated as the enemy and enabling parents of friends of hers had been 'in the know' for years, but actively discouraged her to tell me until too late (including the private school she went to). She was told she would lose her family. I would love to develop a friendship group of parents suffering this loss. I know it seems impossible, but try not to blame yourself. Wishing you and your son well.
Thank you for sharing your story. So true, that all of our stories are depressingly familiar and knowing that helps assuage some of our pain as parents yet that pain and sadness is still so raw and intense when we see firsthand the harm wrought on our own dear and unique child.
If you've not done so already, I wonder if it might be useful to check out resources for family members who've had a loved one enter a cult? While it's a different situation, some of the advice might still apply? I'm no expert but get the sense the most important bit of advice is to stay available, make sure the person knows your door is open, and remember many people do leave cults. I get the impression this tends to happen either when the group becomes so dysfunctional it implodes (or is dismantled by authorities) or when the individual cult member hits a personal "brick wall" and realises they simply can't or won't continue in the group. A lot of them do have this realisation, but it can only happen in their own time.
That's horrible. One day he is going to realize that you loved him more than anyone else in the world.
My heart breaks for you. I can’t understand it, and I just hope the tide is turning. We did not affirm, but we told her how much we love her and that this will always be her home. We miss her so much. Today is a rough day.
Thank yo in for sharing your heartbreaking story. It sounds very familiar. My daughter is about to leave for university in Sept and I hadn’t imagined her effectively ghosting me so your story has made me think about this before it might happen. Is there anything that you would do differently that you think might have helped at the time? Many of us will be sending our kids off very soon so any thoughts would be gratefully received x