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How did you manage to disconnect him from the online influence (and did he have local friends that were also encouraging him that you had to disengage him from) without him pushing back and complaining you were taking away all his friends/support/etc?

Didn’t he perceive that as an attempt by you to change his mind? My daughter is saying she’s trans and I’m pretty sure if I try to make her leave the online reddit forums talking about it, or tell her I want her to make other friends in addition to her trans friends that she met at a local theater group, she’ll just dig her heels in and double down on wanting to be a bit, because she doesn’t want to be “forced” to change her mind.

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Hi, I’m a young adult and I wanted to share my story because I resonated with your son. I also thought I was trans at 13, but desisted at 14 and thought that was the end of it. It unfortunately was not.

I was able to suppress my dysphoria and desire to trans myself while living with my parents because I knew it was never an option. However, as soon as I was in college, the thoughts crept back. They never really left. I don’t plan to transition, it would break my mother’s heart and I’d become a freak. I’m borderline suicidal and cannot get therapy. Of course, I’m not going to do that either because again, it would break my mothers heart.

My point isn’t that your son is really a woman or anything like that. It’s simply: don’t assume the dysphoria’s gone forever. It may come back, and if it does your son will need your help (not to transition, but to deal with it emotionally). My mom won’t help me and that weighs on me everyday. She doesn’t understand how hard I’m working to make her happy. I feel disconnected from her because I can’t even share my struggles without her jumping down my throat. As far as she’s aware, I’ve completely desisted, and believe me, I want to completely desist so bad, but I’m struggling to.

If I could offer any advice to parents of trans children, make sure you remain a safe place for your children. Don’t yell at them for having dysphoria, it won’t make it go away. Love your children and recognize it when they resist transitioning. Understand that they’re going through a tough time. Be someone they can confide trans thoughts to, rather than someone they have to hide it from. Then, help them deal with those thoughts in a healthy way.

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If you had stuck with the affirming therapist, the outcome might well be different.

Have you told the therapist your son “desisted”? I strongly suggest that feedback.

I hope stories and strategies like this are being collected and filed and cross-filed.

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I hope other parents have this experience, and soon. I also suggest Alexander Technique body work as well as Feldenkrais physical therapy, both mind/body therapies, very centered.

This is excellent, and I am going to post sections of it on my blog for families and ex-wives of individuals affected by the trans lobby. It is a lobby, it is driven by the profit motive and it affects every member of the family, as well as the other separate relationships. The trans clubs in schools do not know what they are doing. Be prepared for the backlash of those who have already done irreversible surgeries and damage from hormones. They are defensive and accusatory. They want you to swallow the concept of "true trans", as it justifies their path. My blog is uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com

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Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your story. The second, third and fourth paragraphs--this is exactly what I did and how I felt when my son told me he was trans at 16.5, 6 months ago. Since then we have limited his internet use, but we haven't been able to cesor the content. Even then--there have been positive changes in him. He hasn't asked for a new name or pronouns, we also don't talk about gender at home, and he has a non-affirmative therapist whom he likes. We are working hard getting him to new activities and friends to replace the online influence, but the process has been slow. Like you, I struggle to understand how socially and medically transitioning kids so quickly makes any sense. Yes, they all "so sure" they are trans, of course they are. Even parents might be caught up in the idea that "if he says he is trans, he must be trans." But what the medical community is doing is criminal and unforgivable. I'm very happy for you and your son. Even though my son is older, your story gives me hope.

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Well done!

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You phrased it all so beautifully. I hope your words can help other parents say "let's wait and see" in the loving way that you did.

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Except you did more than nothing. You got rid of the porn, the online influencers, the adults encouraging him to interpret his feelings as being "in the wrong body*.

So happy to hear this!

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This is what I tell parents: this thing comes in like a lion and leaves like a lame goat.

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👏👏👏👏 well said!

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