I sobbed reading your story. A mother’s love should know no boundaries and I am so grateful that your mum was there for you. We all make mistakes, some are more obvious than others, but no one is free to say they did everything perfect. Thank you for your honesty and hopeful message. I try to tell my nephew that I am here for him no matter what and that I will always love him - and I mean every word - but I also want to make sure he knows he is not alone in case he cannot turn to his parents in his darkest moment. He knows how rude and hateful he has been towards his parents for the past few years but if he needed their help they would be there. You have a lot of life ahead of you and you deserve to be happy and loved. I just said a prayer for you…best wishes, too.
Thank you for sharing this. For those of us mothers on the beginning of this fraught path, it reaffirms that our unconditional love is stronger than the tide that is about to engulf us.
Your story is so heartbreaking. Thank you for being brave enough to write it. My heart goes out to you and I hope you are healing. I'm so glad that your mum was there for you. What an amazing mum you have. I can see you know that and appreciate her.
I see my daughter (age 20) in your shoes in a few years. I'm not in control of what she is doing to her body - taking testosterone and now pushing for top surgery that I know is a total mistake. I feel like I'm watching a slow motion train wreck and I can do nothing to stop it - and do nothing to saver her. We have had many conversations about the trans topic and her feelings of "being a guy". I try and try to understand it, but I still don't as much as I want to.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Thank you so much for caring enough about others - especially mothers and mums who carry this heartbreak each and every day, hoping their child will come home to themselves and then reunite with their families. This is such a beautiful story. Thank you and I will pray for your continued recovery. Your mom is right of course and so are you to trust in that love for a child. It never ends.
You write: "Obviously, I have no idea what has happened between you and your child. I'm not asking you to forgive them for the harm they've caused."
First: We will ALWAYS forgive our children. What they do with themselves, negative or positive, is something we will carry with them, even if it needs a bit of time to get over the initial shock (I am often, as a dad, in deep despair).
As a parent of a daughter who has embraced this "idea" or "cult" or whatever: I know what happened.... Close enough anyway. My kid has a huge IQ, typical ASD, when she gets stuck on something.... wow... She doesn't let go. I know that. I was like that at her age, I even have friendships with ex girlfriends who were not particularly respectful, my loyalty is dog-like, at times.... But we didn't have Internet and "influencers" on such an industrial scale.
My daughter caught the bug. But it is an ideology, and that is what people don't get. It has a bunch of unwritten rules, like Fight Club...
Try to talk to these people? They walk away or yell at you.
When the (LGB) T "shelter" called and suggested her mother had been "abusive," I realized I was dealing with a cult-like organization. We, the parents, had made a point of hardly ever even scolding my daughter, because I am of the firm belief that A) scolding only creates an atmosphere of distrust that is likely to make a child hide stuff that could harm her, and B) If you've done something that you feel bad about, or that is simply something impulsive but it has no effect on the family unit, or worse could destroy trust, then keep it to yourself and deal with it by yourself. I'm not her shrink, and she is not mine.
Anyway: This man spoke breathlessly of suicide.... And I got a weird feeling, because I was raised in a family with addiction problems, and I have developed a sixth sense for manipulation.
And that manipulation was clearly aimed at establishing either a wedge between parents and child OR, alternatively, having the parents go along with the sacrifice of their child on the altar of a billion-dollar industry.
This was proven when I went to visit the guy. I spoke with him for 90 minutes. He tried and tried and tried, using the suicide lie several times, I asked him what help they offered to parents, he evaded the question, basically saying that parents loved the idea and went along with it. He denied ROGD (and I said, yes, but there are many other things that spread through social-network contagion, why should this gender stuff be an exception? No answer)... He also told me that they recommend certain shrinks (all affirmative, I knew that), because they were not allowed to do psych evaluations...
I finally said I could not understand surgeons who would operate on healthy bodies, because premium non nocere... He said "If I follow your logic, you would prefer a kid's suicide..."
I didn't panic. It simply made me even more suspicious. But the man was also ignorant and not very bright. I sent him an "aide-mémoire" of 4 pages, at which point he attacked me in a mail suggesting I was an extremist.... I sent back another letter, to the whole organization, reiterating my points (his lack of knowledge, his attempts to gaslight me, his dangerous grooming of kids for operations...)... He never answered. Another person did. And I slapped that concern down.
That is what we parents are undergoing. And we fight, because we love you. And love does not mean just saying yes to every whim. We expect our kids to want to separate from us during their teens. It is the deal. So: We do what we can, but when you are defenseless, we will have your backs...
In my non-anonymous life, I have written about this. And one day I'll come out of the closet. I am not a famous person, just some guy with a daughter.
I'm not a parent so hope it's OK to post, but just wanted to make sure the writer is definitely aware: your ex-housemates' behaviour towards you was abusive. They had absolutely no right to pressure you into sexual activities which you had made clear you didn't want. Using the threat of homelessness to coerce someone sexually is 100% domestic abuse. And to do so when you were weakened by surgery was an utterly repugnant thing to do. I'm so glad you got out and hope everything is going better for you now. If you can find a sensible therapist (not always easy) you may want to consider getting some help to deal with the impacts of how you were treated. Otherwise (and this is a little low-rent but) Dr Ramani's YouTube videos about narcissistic people and their "flying monkey" enablers have helped me to understand how abuse occurs in different scenarios. All the very best to you.
Thank you for telling your story. So many of us are waiting for our children to come out of their fog, knowing that there’s not much we can do besides providing a solid, loving place for them to land. At the same time it is crucial that those pushing this understand the reality of transition. Please consider writing to the medical staff who supported your transition so that they see the outcome. Many simply do not believe there is regret. I understand that this is a burden you may not want to bear, but we desperately need safeguards in place to protect young people, and unfortunately, the voices of detransitioners are the most powerful.
Your candor and courage deserve everyone’s respect. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful for you that you made it through and had a mother who loved you and cared for you through it all. She is no doubt a special person, and as a mother myself, I can tell you - even through her heartache she never stopped loving you. Share your message and be an activist to stop this assault on our youth. They will listen to you and others who have walked where they are struggling. All my love to you - you are a beautiful soul and I wish you all the best in life. God bless you.
I sobbed reading your story. A mother’s love should know no boundaries and I am so grateful that your mum was there for you. We all make mistakes, some are more obvious than others, but no one is free to say they did everything perfect. Thank you for your honesty and hopeful message. I try to tell my nephew that I am here for him no matter what and that I will always love him - and I mean every word - but I also want to make sure he knows he is not alone in case he cannot turn to his parents in his darkest moment. He knows how rude and hateful he has been towards his parents for the past few years but if he needed their help they would be there. You have a lot of life ahead of you and you deserve to be happy and loved. I just said a prayer for you…best wishes, too.
May you find peace and may you fully find your way back to those who truly love you. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your insights.
Thank you for sharing this. For those of us mothers on the beginning of this fraught path, it reaffirms that our unconditional love is stronger than the tide that is about to engulf us.
Thankfully your mother was genuine with her love. The friends are a complete write off and behaved very cult-like.
Your story is so heartbreaking. Thank you for being brave enough to write it. My heart goes out to you and I hope you are healing. I'm so glad that your mum was there for you. What an amazing mum you have. I can see you know that and appreciate her.
I see my daughter (age 20) in your shoes in a few years. I'm not in control of what she is doing to her body - taking testosterone and now pushing for top surgery that I know is a total mistake. I feel like I'm watching a slow motion train wreck and I can do nothing to stop it - and do nothing to saver her. We have had many conversations about the trans topic and her feelings of "being a guy". I try and try to understand it, but I still don't as much as I want to.
I'm not crying, you're crying!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Thank you so much for caring enough about others - especially mothers and mums who carry this heartbreak each and every day, hoping their child will come home to themselves and then reunite with their families. This is such a beautiful story. Thank you and I will pray for your continued recovery. Your mom is right of course and so are you to trust in that love for a child. It never ends.
My heart weeps for you but I smile through my tears for your closer relationship with your mother. Your soul is beautiful.
May your light shine on. Ty for sharing. Love love to mumsy
May your light shine on. Ty for sharing. Love love to mumsy
You write: "Obviously, I have no idea what has happened between you and your child. I'm not asking you to forgive them for the harm they've caused."
First: We will ALWAYS forgive our children. What they do with themselves, negative or positive, is something we will carry with them, even if it needs a bit of time to get over the initial shock (I am often, as a dad, in deep despair).
As a parent of a daughter who has embraced this "idea" or "cult" or whatever: I know what happened.... Close enough anyway. My kid has a huge IQ, typical ASD, when she gets stuck on something.... wow... She doesn't let go. I know that. I was like that at her age, I even have friendships with ex girlfriends who were not particularly respectful, my loyalty is dog-like, at times.... But we didn't have Internet and "influencers" on such an industrial scale.
My daughter caught the bug. But it is an ideology, and that is what people don't get. It has a bunch of unwritten rules, like Fight Club...
Try to talk to these people? They walk away or yell at you.
When the (LGB) T "shelter" called and suggested her mother had been "abusive," I realized I was dealing with a cult-like organization. We, the parents, had made a point of hardly ever even scolding my daughter, because I am of the firm belief that A) scolding only creates an atmosphere of distrust that is likely to make a child hide stuff that could harm her, and B) If you've done something that you feel bad about, or that is simply something impulsive but it has no effect on the family unit, or worse could destroy trust, then keep it to yourself and deal with it by yourself. I'm not her shrink, and she is not mine.
Anyway: This man spoke breathlessly of suicide.... And I got a weird feeling, because I was raised in a family with addiction problems, and I have developed a sixth sense for manipulation.
And that manipulation was clearly aimed at establishing either a wedge between parents and child OR, alternatively, having the parents go along with the sacrifice of their child on the altar of a billion-dollar industry.
This was proven when I went to visit the guy. I spoke with him for 90 minutes. He tried and tried and tried, using the suicide lie several times, I asked him what help they offered to parents, he evaded the question, basically saying that parents loved the idea and went along with it. He denied ROGD (and I said, yes, but there are many other things that spread through social-network contagion, why should this gender stuff be an exception? No answer)... He also told me that they recommend certain shrinks (all affirmative, I knew that), because they were not allowed to do psych evaluations...
I finally said I could not understand surgeons who would operate on healthy bodies, because premium non nocere... He said "If I follow your logic, you would prefer a kid's suicide..."
I didn't panic. It simply made me even more suspicious. But the man was also ignorant and not very bright. I sent him an "aide-mémoire" of 4 pages, at which point he attacked me in a mail suggesting I was an extremist.... I sent back another letter, to the whole organization, reiterating my points (his lack of knowledge, his attempts to gaslight me, his dangerous grooming of kids for operations...)... He never answered. Another person did. And I slapped that concern down.
That is what we parents are undergoing. And we fight, because we love you. And love does not mean just saying yes to every whim. We expect our kids to want to separate from us during their teens. It is the deal. So: We do what we can, but when you are defenseless, we will have your backs...
In my non-anonymous life, I have written about this. And one day I'll come out of the closet. I am not a famous person, just some guy with a daughter.
Hang in there.
I think your surgeon/butcher should be in jail. Have you and your mother considered pursuing legal action? Welcome to the light. - LM
I'm not a parent so hope it's OK to post, but just wanted to make sure the writer is definitely aware: your ex-housemates' behaviour towards you was abusive. They had absolutely no right to pressure you into sexual activities which you had made clear you didn't want. Using the threat of homelessness to coerce someone sexually is 100% domestic abuse. And to do so when you were weakened by surgery was an utterly repugnant thing to do. I'm so glad you got out and hope everything is going better for you now. If you can find a sensible therapist (not always easy) you may want to consider getting some help to deal with the impacts of how you were treated. Otherwise (and this is a little low-rent but) Dr Ramani's YouTube videos about narcissistic people and their "flying monkey" enablers have helped me to understand how abuse occurs in different scenarios. All the very best to you.
Thank you for telling your story. So many of us are waiting for our children to come out of their fog, knowing that there’s not much we can do besides providing a solid, loving place for them to land. At the same time it is crucial that those pushing this understand the reality of transition. Please consider writing to the medical staff who supported your transition so that they see the outcome. Many simply do not believe there is regret. I understand that this is a burden you may not want to bear, but we desperately need safeguards in place to protect young people, and unfortunately, the voices of detransitioners are the most powerful.
Your candor and courage deserve everyone’s respect. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful for you that you made it through and had a mother who loved you and cared for you through it all. She is no doubt a special person, and as a mother myself, I can tell you - even through her heartache she never stopped loving you. Share your message and be an activist to stop this assault on our youth. They will listen to you and others who have walked where they are struggling. All my love to you - you are a beautiful soul and I wish you all the best in life. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing.
We moms do feel your pain, it’s our pain too.