My daughter is at prom. I’m happy about it, mostly, but it’s been a long journey here. Not as difficult as others, but our story is similar. However, I’m optimistic, but not confident, that it’s actually over. Like so many others, the challenges in our relationship started during COVID. We live in a very, VERY progressive state, and the COVID restrictions were very real here, and had a huge and still yet to be measured impact on our youth. Prior to the shutdowns, I had a bright, vibrant, outgoing and energetic daughter. Now, she’s the opposite. She’s finding her way back, but it’s slow, and so many things are now impacting getting her back to the girl she used to be.
Sounds like it's heading in the right direction, "loving her life as the beautiful young girl she was born as", yay for a friend her sticks closer to her than a brother! Good for her for saying No to the nonsense as she knows your daughter & is standing her ground. I did this in high school (late 80's) with a friend who decided our senior year she was a lesbian, I told her No, I refuse to accept this, you are not, we've been friends since elementary & your going through a time & emotional support is what you need & this lesbian chick came in and swooped in on your vulnerability. I refused to hang with her & her lesbian friend, I hung with her & our regular friend group only. She lived 2 lives and spiraled into drugs & alcohol. Super bright gal, decided against college & just made a mess of her life for about 5 years, she eventually came out of it, got emotionally & physically healthy & married a man.. whew! What a diversion for young people to take, making their life more difficult then it already is. Praying your daughter continues on this current path, keep your eye on her every move, you'll get your sleep back after she's 25 & developed into a young adult. :)
Thanks for sharing this. I am struck again by the disembodied quality of this ideology, how kids who have never had sex -- a profoundly embodied experience -- declare they are bisexual, lesbian, trans. It's so conceptual, so untethered to experience.
If I may gently suggest, don't read too much (hopefully) into stereotypical feminine behavior (make-up, dresses, longer hair) or, conversely, feel too much anxiety about appearance or behavior considered more masculine. I didn't go to prom, or homecoming, and, in my androgynous body, felt awkward in dresses. Indeed, I turned out to be lesbian -- I confirmed the meaning of my intense, "shameful" crushes on other girls through experience only after college -- but I never thought I was a boy, nor wanted to be one. Gender nonconforming appearance and behaviors may mean "gay" or not, but they needn't be associated with "trans."
I hope your relationship with your daughter continues to grow stronger!
The prophet Jeremiah experienced similar sistuations during the take over of his lands. When it was over he looked down at the destruction and He cried so much it was recorded for us to read when we are also in extreem situations, so feeling Lamintations...
Thanks for taking the time to do such a long write-up. Best of luck.
One thing struck me, though. Disclaimer: I'm not a parent of a trans-identifying child, just someone who finds this topic interesting. (I do have kids, but they're little.)
"It hurt me as a woman, for all the things I’ve worked for and fought for, for her not to see that she was capable of the same things, as a young woman, that she really believed that men have it easier, that it would be easier to be one, despite seeing the examples of strong, confident, successful women in her own life."
I don't know whether men or women have it easier, or whether it's even possible to determine that. But is it that hard to understand why some women and girls might think being a man would be easier? Unless they're in prison or around some very specifically dangerous people, the vast majority of men - not boys, men - never seriously worry about being victims of sexual violence. They will never have to worry about getting pregnant unexpectedly. They don't develop squishy fat on their bodies going through puberty. And when was the last time men had to prove they were "strong, confident, [and] successful"?
I don't know your daughter, obviously, so take this with the world's largest grain of salt, but maybe she doesn't want to have to be a strong, confident, and successful woman. Maybe she just wants to be a person who's allowed to have human weaknesses, feel afraid, and fail sometimes. Maybe she feels that this is a role she can't live up to. Maybe she does want to be strong, confident, and successful, but doesn't want to be put in a ghettoized "strong woman" category as some kind of political statement about What Women Can Do.
Beautiful. You have been a wonderful, caring, and smart mother. As for COVID, I honestly don't know whether we can lay blame there. Our daughter got caught up in trans at 14, back in 2017. She was going to live, in-person school, her best friend came out as trans, she spent a lot of time online but I thought it was Minecraft. I also suspect that her school was teaching trans as a legitimate normal life option. She is 20 now, and we have never affirmed her here in the family, but at college and at her internship we know she is "living as a male". What I wouldn't give to see her in a prom dress . . . Instead, I have a photo of her dressed in a man's suit escorting another girl in a prom gown. I have to be happy with that, I guess. Anyway, as I say so often in these comments, we are keeping the porch light on. Because in her heart she has to know we love her, and there's still a chance she will grow up and out of the trans cult before taking any irreversible actions. Keep the faith, smart mom. I wish I had been as smart and tough as you.
Thanks for those details. It helps frame my expectations. I think with the ‘first day of school’ expectations of name and pronoun declarations, this practice cements these kids’ whim declarations. It takes a lot of self assurance and confidence to walk it back. Wishing you the best…
Very similar to my daughter who is still in this crap after 18 months. I’m happy you are seeing some flexibility and positive change!
Can I ask what your child’s school did with regards to her name/pronouns/bathroom etc.? Here in CA, we have no rights in the public system. This is a power play I think for my daughter so she is a different name and “he” at school and her old self at home (although with the boy haircut and homeless clothes). I’ve heard that the public-facing name and pronouns are the last to go when/if your kid is desisting.
This gender madness forces all of us to go beyond tough love. My relationships with family members, friends, people on Facebook has all changed because they support the trans movement. I don’t understand how anyone can actually think it is OK to harm children. Stay strong Momma and continue the fight. You have done a great job keeping the door of communication open. But, you may not be out of the woods yet as long as these so-called friends are in her life. I wish you the very best of luck.
Great piece. Thank you for sharing the highs and the lows. It gives such a full picture of this evil roller coaster ride. My child caught up in this is estranged from me and is older, so I didn't experience what you describe. You are in it, and having to react daily. god keep you and you family and may things continue to become more wholesome and Normal!
https://www.theepochtimes.com/california-mom-reclaims-young-daughter-from-clutches-of-trans-agenda-in-middle-school-heres-how_5274490.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=copy&rs=SHRWBWFC
Sounds like it's heading in the right direction, "loving her life as the beautiful young girl she was born as", yay for a friend her sticks closer to her than a brother! Good for her for saying No to the nonsense as she knows your daughter & is standing her ground. I did this in high school (late 80's) with a friend who decided our senior year she was a lesbian, I told her No, I refuse to accept this, you are not, we've been friends since elementary & your going through a time & emotional support is what you need & this lesbian chick came in and swooped in on your vulnerability. I refused to hang with her & her lesbian friend, I hung with her & our regular friend group only. She lived 2 lives and spiraled into drugs & alcohol. Super bright gal, decided against college & just made a mess of her life for about 5 years, she eventually came out of it, got emotionally & physically healthy & married a man.. whew! What a diversion for young people to take, making their life more difficult then it already is. Praying your daughter continues on this current path, keep your eye on her every move, you'll get your sleep back after she's 25 & developed into a young adult. :)
Is this how the trend is being "sold"?
"that she really believed that men have it easier, that it would be easier to be one,"
That the grass is greener? If so that is terribly sad.
Thanks you for "hope" and best wishes for your family.
I will say a prayer for you and your family
I will say a prayer for you and your family.
7 pm in Central Texas, prayer for our families with Jon and Joleen
Recorded earlier.
https://www.youtube.com/live/NewqrKyh2g8?feature=share
Thanks for sharing this. I am struck again by the disembodied quality of this ideology, how kids who have never had sex -- a profoundly embodied experience -- declare they are bisexual, lesbian, trans. It's so conceptual, so untethered to experience.
If I may gently suggest, don't read too much (hopefully) into stereotypical feminine behavior (make-up, dresses, longer hair) or, conversely, feel too much anxiety about appearance or behavior considered more masculine. I didn't go to prom, or homecoming, and, in my androgynous body, felt awkward in dresses. Indeed, I turned out to be lesbian -- I confirmed the meaning of my intense, "shameful" crushes on other girls through experience only after college -- but I never thought I was a boy, nor wanted to be one. Gender nonconforming appearance and behaviors may mean "gay" or not, but they needn't be associated with "trans."
I hope your relationship with your daughter continues to grow stronger!
The prophet Jeremiah experienced similar sistuations during the take over of his lands. When it was over he looked down at the destruction and He cried so much it was recorded for us to read when we are also in extreem situations, so feeling Lamintations...
Thanks for taking the time to do such a long write-up. Best of luck.
One thing struck me, though. Disclaimer: I'm not a parent of a trans-identifying child, just someone who finds this topic interesting. (I do have kids, but they're little.)
"It hurt me as a woman, for all the things I’ve worked for and fought for, for her not to see that she was capable of the same things, as a young woman, that she really believed that men have it easier, that it would be easier to be one, despite seeing the examples of strong, confident, successful women in her own life."
I don't know whether men or women have it easier, or whether it's even possible to determine that. But is it that hard to understand why some women and girls might think being a man would be easier? Unless they're in prison or around some very specifically dangerous people, the vast majority of men - not boys, men - never seriously worry about being victims of sexual violence. They will never have to worry about getting pregnant unexpectedly. They don't develop squishy fat on their bodies going through puberty. And when was the last time men had to prove they were "strong, confident, [and] successful"?
I don't know your daughter, obviously, so take this with the world's largest grain of salt, but maybe she doesn't want to have to be a strong, confident, and successful woman. Maybe she just wants to be a person who's allowed to have human weaknesses, feel afraid, and fail sometimes. Maybe she feels that this is a role she can't live up to. Maybe she does want to be strong, confident, and successful, but doesn't want to be put in a ghettoized "strong woman" category as some kind of political statement about What Women Can Do.
Beautiful. You have been a wonderful, caring, and smart mother. As for COVID, I honestly don't know whether we can lay blame there. Our daughter got caught up in trans at 14, back in 2017. She was going to live, in-person school, her best friend came out as trans, she spent a lot of time online but I thought it was Minecraft. I also suspect that her school was teaching trans as a legitimate normal life option. She is 20 now, and we have never affirmed her here in the family, but at college and at her internship we know she is "living as a male". What I wouldn't give to see her in a prom dress . . . Instead, I have a photo of her dressed in a man's suit escorting another girl in a prom gown. I have to be happy with that, I guess. Anyway, as I say so often in these comments, we are keeping the porch light on. Because in her heart she has to know we love her, and there's still a chance she will grow up and out of the trans cult before taking any irreversible actions. Keep the faith, smart mom. I wish I had been as smart and tough as you.
Thanks for those details. It helps frame my expectations. I think with the ‘first day of school’ expectations of name and pronoun declarations, this practice cements these kids’ whim declarations. It takes a lot of self assurance and confidence to walk it back. Wishing you the best…
Sounds like my story exactly!
Very similar to my daughter who is still in this crap after 18 months. I’m happy you are seeing some flexibility and positive change!
Can I ask what your child’s school did with regards to her name/pronouns/bathroom etc.? Here in CA, we have no rights in the public system. This is a power play I think for my daughter so she is a different name and “he” at school and her old self at home (although with the boy haircut and homeless clothes). I’ve heard that the public-facing name and pronouns are the last to go when/if your kid is desisting.
This gender madness forces all of us to go beyond tough love. My relationships with family members, friends, people on Facebook has all changed because they support the trans movement. I don’t understand how anyone can actually think it is OK to harm children. Stay strong Momma and continue the fight. You have done a great job keeping the door of communication open. But, you may not be out of the woods yet as long as these so-called friends are in her life. I wish you the very best of luck.
Don't let her go away to college!!!
Great piece. Thank you for sharing the highs and the lows. It gives such a full picture of this evil roller coaster ride. My child caught up in this is estranged from me and is older, so I didn't experience what you describe. You are in it, and having to react daily. god keep you and you family and may things continue to become more wholesome and Normal!